love, actually...

after a long talk about friends, boyfriends, experiences, life in general and everything in particular, a friend of mine asked me "why does everything have to be about love?why is everybody searching for it?"...

well...i guess the answer lies, not in front of us, but inside!

love is the ultimate thing you can achieve...mkay...maybe achieve isn't the right word...let's leave it at love is the ultimate thing...

love is the only thing we cannot have by ourselves...you can't just love yourself, you can't make love to yourself [that's called masturbation ;) ]...and it is the most real, yet uncertain thing in the world...it hurts, and aches, and pleasures you deeply, but you feel it...you can never know for sure, as in 100% what you feel/want/need/hate...an sure as hell you can never know if/how much/for how long you love someone...and the cruel part is that even though you can't be sure, you demand an exact answer from your significant other..they don't know either!!!!

stop expecting things and make'em happen!!!!

it's all about love
and
love is all you need


so what are you waiting for?!?! get out there and....

it's a boy-girl thing

you try...you give your best and expect everything...you hope for the stars and get only dust...

it's a known fact that, when in a relationship, one persone loves more and the other one recieves more...but what happens if you find yourself having all the love sucked dry out of you? what happens if you wake up one morning to nothing to impress you anymore?

imagine...
you simply wake up...take a sip of coffee and a long look in the mirror...and you start getting ready for whatever it is you have to do that day...than...it happens...something you have long wanted to happen but gave up any hope it will actually happen...sure...it makes you feel good...important...it even makes your day for a couple of moments...then you start reviewing what just happened...sure...you could've handled things differently...or you could've ignored it all together...anyhow...the point is...that just for a second...you feel it's gonna happen again...


you start thinking ahead, making plans, taking chances all over again...wishing, hoping and praying for the best...everything in your head...happening sooooo god damn fast


PAUSE!!!

[take deep breath...think it over...stop second-guessing yourself]

Resume

no matter how hard you try you can't make it work all by yourself...so...stand up straight...aim...FIRE...no what if's...no maybe's...no nothing!!!

you are better off alone than being the person who ends up losing at the end of the day...

STOP

as for me...well...i'm moving on...head-first into the wall of life...taking chances and not giving a damn...untill there's nothing more to give, nothing else to lose, no one left to love...

de ce? PENTRU CA POT!!!

coffee spice and nothing but ice

you try and you try...and you cannot seem to fill that void surrounding you...
you go out, you drink your 2nd coffee for the day...the day seems to drift further and further away from you...
you start drinking beer...lots and lots of beer...same faces, different talks...you find yourself smiling with no reason what so ever...

next day...morning...coffee...more coffee...afternoon...same old beer...friends...night out...home

repeat...

next please...

do you ever feel like you've got to the point that nothing could get to you...like in a series of unfortunate events...one messier than the other...

just live...live whatever might come your way because there's no chance in hell you could change the course of bad things about to happen...as a matter of fact...you only tend to make things worse...

take a step back...and look around you...is it worth it to even bother searching for the future??

inhale...exhale...it's ok...enjoy the ride

Chimie analitica 101

Daca totul ar fi atat de simplu ca o problema de chimie analitica...scrii reactia...vezi ce iese...cat intra...cat se consuma...raport echimolar...fiecare da raportat la cat da celalalt...tragi linie si ajungi la echilibru...de aici pana la finalul problemei mai ai apar cateva cerinte de rezolvat, toate avand legatura cu reactia initiala, revii mereu la ce intra, cat reactioneaza si ce ramane


EA + EL --> RESPONSABILITATI + DREPTURI

i: toata tot --> - -





r: amandoi in totalitate --> 1 1



e: - - --> "NOI"



Etape de rezolvare:
-initial trebuie sa fie dispusi sa se implice total
-in reactie, fiind raport de 1:1, sa se consume tot, pt ca grijile, responsabilitatile si drepturile sa fie tot in raport de 1:1
-la echilibru se observa ca nu mai exista nimic din ce-a intrat, pt ca se consuma tot, astfel incat 2 devine 1, totul se imparte la 2, iar cei doi devin un tot

totul e atat de simplu pe hartie...but maybe, just maybe i've learned too much in chemistry...



[NU]

Entry for September 01, 2007

George Bernard Shaw once said:"There are two tragedies in life: one is not to get your heart's desire. The other is to get it." tragedy is all around us, not to bring us down but to make us realize that there's something more out there, something worth pursuing, worth fighting for...so...the next time you're feeling down, like there's nothing more to do, nothing more to say, nothing else left, just think of it as the lowest stage you could reach and start climbing your way to the top...

everyone searches for something...i guess what i wished for,ever since i could remember, is love...i had the opportunity to experience it in its different shapes and sizes...i wished to feel that love that would make my heart brake if it were to end...it ended...but just living it...acknowledging its presence and power...feeling my soul as a half to a greater whole...just knowing it exists...

i got what i wished for...and, once it was over, it hurt like hell...i'd do it all over again without changing a thing...if this is tragedy...then give me all you've got!

[NU]

i fight when i'm down, i scream and i try...

ti se intampla la un moment dat sa ajungi in locu ala, atat de intunecat, atat de ascuns de umanitate, unde parca tu te-ai plasat si te-ai uitat acolo...bun, ajungi acolo si ce faci? te multumesti cu fire de lumina din tavanul vietii??? sau...maybe, just maybe....

SAU iti dai seama odata pentru totdeauna ca nu ai cum sa cazi mai mult de-atat, k it's as dark as it gets, si sa incepi sa te ridici...one day at a time...


sau...alt moment...momentul in care-ti dai seama ca e o faza doar de moment, oricat de incredibila ti s-ar parea...da...ti se intampla chiar tie, chiar acum, si o sa treaca pe langa tine, idiotule, daca nu te bucuri de ea si daca o sa-ti zboare gandu in continuare la viitor, la accel nenorocit "cum o sa fie"...daca o tii tot asa o sa te transformi in persoana "cum ar fi fost daca"...is that what you want, or do you wanna feel it??

LIVE!!! not in the past, not waiting for the future... just live...right here and, especially, right NOW!!

live like there's no tomorrow...i've always guided my actions on the expression live with no excuses and love with no regrets and yeah...sure...i got down on my knees, i crumbled in bed late at night, i twisted and turned in doubt, i just sat there feeling enormous amounts of dispair, having the air sucked out of my lungs into the nothingness that surrounded me

BUT i've loved, i've always loved, truly, madly, deeply...even though it lasted a minute, 2 days, an year, a couple of months or a week-end...i'd do it all over again, i'd face the afterwards solitude with my head held up high, telling to myself it's the worst it can get and that it's only gonna get better from now on...

I've learned to live the "what's-happening-right-now" instead of the "what-it-could've-been-like..." or "what will happen if..."

and so i do...every second of every kiss, of every touch, of everything about YOU

[NU]

i smile when i'm angry, i cheat and i lie...

pornind de la dilema
oare contrariile se atrag sau cine se-aseamana se-aduna
in care am cam reusit sa rezum toate problemele mele existentiale din acel moment...am ajuns aici...nowhere, but still...a place like never before...

poate exagerez, maybe i just fucked it up big time, like only i could, maybe i dared to hope, to feel, to care just a bit too soon...

i found myself over this week-end, i found the girl with huge dreams, who wasn't afraid to speak her mind, to use her voice, to make herselfe heard...did the right person hear me? i'd like to think so...

i remembered how i used to be, good as well as bad...i remember what used to make my heart leap of joy and excitement every time i thought about it...after so much time wasted, i got a hold of a camera and started taking pictures again, i saw the city i now live in from a different point of view...behind the camera...i spent an amazing week-end...

i've started to analise evverything...good, bad, average things that are going on in my life, i don't wanna settle for good anymore, i want great

i'm still putting up a glass wall and despite that, i'm putting myself out there...once more...to see if i'll make it this time or i'm just have to try again...harder and more determined...

i am up-side-down...i'm a mess, i'm happy, i'm alive, now more than ever

[NU]