doing it for the thrill...

Did you ever wake up to a cup of coffee in no particular morning, with nothing special to do and then...it hit you...just out of the fuckin' nowhere...it hit you...

the troubles, the sleepless nights, the panic and excitement...you knew this day would come eventually...and as soon as you stopped trying to figure out when...it hit you...

the end of depression, the end of an era...

suddenly the sun's shining again and coffee's never been better...you're too old for all this shit...or are you?? you don't need all the drama...there was no decision for you to make after all...all you did was sit and wait...the world kept on spinning and you figured it all out in a heart-beat...

you're just doing it for the thrill...you silly little adrenaline junkie you...it doesn't matter where you get it from as long as you always have your fix on time...you say you can settle down and stop...but it's stronger than you...it's carved deep down inside you and as hard as you try you won't be able to get rid of it...you might as well embrace it...

now go outside, grab a coffee, let it sink in and find your epi for the day...

as for me...sitting, waiting, wishing...

where are the pixies?

esti nicaieri si peste tot...si nimic nu aduce cu acasa..te invarti pe zi ce trece intr-un cerc tot mai mic, simti cum raza vizuala ti se scurteaza si se lasa ceata...


si e frig...si gol...si se simte un aer umed...si ti-ai dori macar un strop de ploaie sa-ti inmoaie pielea...

cu o vaga ramasita de parfum de cafea in suflet si cu cana goala stai si te uiti in gol...incerci sa te aduni...sa-ti asterni ipocrizia pe o foaie alba sperand ca asa o sa reusesti sa gasesti cele doua capete unde ti s-a rupt imaginea ultima data... forezi in amintiri...mimezi indiferenta...si cauti

singura problema e ca in momentul in care ai renuntat, voit sau nu, la ce aveai si ai permis aceasta desprindere de acea perioada in care lucrurile erau ok e ca acum, cand incerci sa carpesti un sentiment, obeservi ca restul trairilor s-au destramat de mult...

si inca o data refuzi sa iti asumi responsabiliti, sa recunosti ca poate a fost vina ta...nu poti sa te detasezi si s-o judeci la rece...si te roade...te consuma...iti mananca visele si orele de somn...te cuprinde o greata de tot ceea ce inseamna ziua de maine, care nu pare a aduce cu sine o noua sansa ci, mai degraba, prelungirea unei agonii...

si bati strazi intregi in cautarea unui material cu aceeasi textura si culoare ca visele tale...dar realizezi, asta daca ai noroc, ca asa ceva nu exista, ca totul e in capul tau...ca se transpune in viata reala, ca pune stapanire pe tine, iti provoaca panica si iti rugineste si ultimul strop de speranta...

cu vointa redusa si visele oxidate n-o sa ajungi la echilibru...schimba datele problemei si ia-o de la capat...incepe o alta pagina...pentru alte refulari...si schimba ipocrizia pe cinism...cel putin cinismul nu necesita un zambet fals si o masca...

where to?

Remember that craving to feel something, anything? well....how about if sooner than you could've imagined you got to the point where what you felt wasn't exactly what you might've expected...

Instead of things beginning to look up, they went into the opposite direction and you find yourself filled with dispair...everything seems grimmer than ever and you get dragged against your will to the middle of fuckin' nowhere...

Now that you know exactly where you stand, you tend to analyze you're options and figure out where you're heading...but...

you're in the middle of fuckin nowhere!!! where do you think you might be going???

i suggest you start running around in circles...it's easier than just sitting there...it's your fault you got there in the first place...it's you're fault you're depressed...and, since you've got pretty much no chance in hell to figure out why you feel like a piece of shit, you might as well start running...it might help to take the edge off...

ready...steady...WAKE UP!!!

soul...storm?!

Alone without you baby
And here i go again on my own


Have you ever got to the point where you started to question everything you are, everything you feel, everything you wanna be? ...like you're one a big empty one-way street? it might sound as a cliche but you're stuck in a place where no feelings can reach you...


You wake up to the same smell of coffee and it doesn't give you the kick it once used to...you force yourself to feel...to find that one thing...anything, actually, that might move you...and you start to run around in circles and your perfume can't seem to cover up the stench of your dreams gone rotten...

And you try...God knows how much you try to get over yourself and start over once again... you begin to dig deeper and deeper inside yourself, searching for that thing that usually made you snap out if this pathetic excuse you've turned into...

Brainstorm your way out of it...let yourself feel...allow every little thing that comes your way to touch you and then cry it off...then put on that mask you thought you'd never have to wear again, smile your way out of this hollowness that has taken hold of you...

One can only sink that low...and as you come to terms with that, add some extra sugar to your coffee...just as much as you need to feel its flavor once again...Can you feel the rush?

As for me...i've been out of touch with reality and its surroundings for the past few months, but life, being the bitch that she is, keeps on calling it quits on me...

I'll live...would you?