it's not a habbit...it's cool

you just have to get yourself together cause you're starting to lose it...

deep breath...that's right...in and out...

one can never have too much, love too much and get hurt enough... that's why people keep on trying to make it work...keep on hoping...keep on loving...

but sometimes you get to the point when you start to ask yourself whether it's worth to even bother...you know you've put yourself out there one too many times...you tried to make everything ok...to make things work...you gave the best of you...and from that point on all you can do is wait for life to follow it's course...it can only go two ways...


1. you can get hurt once more...and then you start to blame everything and everyone around you for what went wrong...you try to find a reason for what has happened to you once more...you ask yourself stuff like:

• why only bad things come your way...
• why bad things come only your way...
• how will you manage to survive...
• when will it all end...
• how will it end...
• should you end it right here, right now...

OR

2.you find that thing that truly makes you happy...you feel that everything you've worked for is finally paying off...and everything you hoped for is coming true...but, since you're only human, you start to wonder stuff like:

• what did you do to deserve this...
  
• why did this happen to you...
• how long will it last...
• is it really true...
• is it really happening to you...
• what are you going to do once it's over...

don't worry...the first version usually happens, so you'll be ok just bitching about what's wrong in your life and saying to anyone willing to listen how big of a victim you are...

and if the second version happens you will be too busy wondering what will you do if it were to end, instead of just enjoying it...because you're too big of a stupid, conceited, self-conscious asshole to realize that you're happy for once, and you'll manage to get out of it soon enough...

so, either way, whether you get your way with it or not, you can bitch about what an unhappy and unlucky poor loser you are...

this takes me to what George Bernard Shaw once said: "There are two tragedies in life: one is not to get your heart's desire and the other is to get it."

so sleep on it...or you might just as well fuck it...

it's cool...i feel alright

heart broken
heart bend
heart split into two

have you ever felt soooo much, and yet not enough for one person?

have you ever loved so much it hurts? but not only one person...not only one dream...not only an idea....

because there's sooo much more out there...more than you...more than you can cope with...more than you can imagine...more than you can understand...

mixed signals...mixed feelings...mixed expressions...mixed up story in a fucked up version of what you wish you would be...

and you hope and you long for that feeling that fills your heart, mind and soul till the point you think you're about to burst if it stays with you...you crave for happiness...

BUT...guess what....you're searching for fulfillment in all the wrong places...

go deep inside your biggest fear...sink into the horrors of what may come your way if the worst were to happen...

then come back to the reality surrounding you...and enjoy...you're life doesn't completely suck after all...

find that thing that keeps you going through the day...find that place inside you where it's worm and cozy and stop blaming everyone around you for what seems to be a mess...

it's a chaotic order out there...all you need is the right pair of glasses and a big enough cup of coffee in the morning to see the order unravel in front of you

open your eyes....

i'm happy you're happy i'm happy...

...and we're all a big fuckin' happy family


you never know where it's gonna hit you next...this is for those i care about and whom i want to help and be there for...

it might seem like this night'll never go away...but it will...and tomorrow we'll laugh about it...together...i'm here...for as long as i feel i have to...you CAN lean on me...

if you ever need someone to talk to...or someone who'll just do nothing with you...or someone to listen to the void around you with...

this one's for you...cuz you got under my skin...and i dare to take a chance with you...

keep your head way up high...and i'll be there to cry with you if you don't wanna be an emo

smile...there's a new day ahead...right after this night'll drift into the past...

Pretend by Saturnus

Here strolls the blackened sky

With me, myself and I



Let's pretend well meet again

Pretend you knew me

Pretend you cared

Lets pretend we once kissed

With compassion

With heartfelt affection



Let's pretend well meet again

Let's just, lets just pretend

Pretend you're still... you're still my friend



Let's pretend well meet again

Pretend you knew me

Pretend you cared

Let's pretend we once kissed

With compassion


[just a little song i came across]

Esti sigur?

esti satul de tot si de toate...te intrebi de unde dracu sa le iei pe toate, cum s-o iei de la capat, de unde sa incepi...si incepi sa-ti cauti motive pentru care sa amani inevitabilul...clipa in care chiar trebuie sa te apuci sa faci ceva...orice...numa sa nu mai stai aiurea...

si iti iei avant...si te apuci...dupa juma de ora faci o pauza de o tigara, ca doar...deh...ai muncit atat...dup-aia te mai intinzi la o poveste...mai dai 3 mesaje si 4 telefoane...si au trecut deja 3 ore...

continui sa pierzi vremea...sa nu faci nimic util...sa te uiti in gol si sa speri ca se va rezolva de la sine...

e dovedit stiintific faptul ca un rau nu vine fara companie...asa ca in momentul in care tocmai te-ai pus pe treaba incepi sa constientizezi durerea de spate, de gat, de tot...

si te apuca o sila de tot ce trebuie sa faci...si iti vine sa lasi tot si sa faci orice altceva, numai ce trebuie nu...de ce? pentru ca poti...

te trezesti dupa o saptamana de genu asta ca n-ai facut nimic, timpul a trecut, si parca nici nu stii cand dead-line-u de peste o luna e maine...intrii in priza...si incepi sa te agiti, sa dregi busuiocu pe ultima suta...deh...fire de student inventiv si care rezista sub stress...o sa poti...o sa reusesti...te prinde dimineata...cu a nu-stiu-cata cafea sub nas, cu ochii inrositi de vasele de sange ce au cazut prada oboselii...dar nu si tu!!! tu inca poti...inca putin...atat de putin...

[acum vroiam sa inchei tragic, cu tine cu capul pe birou/masa de lucru/tastatura, dar NU

refuz sa fiu pesimista macar in post-u asta...]

inca putin...pui ultimele puncte pe i, tragi linie si aduni...

esti cine vrei sa fii? esti pe drumul tau sau traiesti o viata trasata de altii? dead-line-ul se apropie cu fiecare secunda irosita, si partea proasta e ca nu stii pe cand ai de prezentat proiectul vietii tale... asa ca mai stai inca sa o arzi aiurea?