shook me all night long...

It's one of those monents when you wanna give up, you wanna give in, you want the twisting and turning to end... It's like everywhere you turn the dead-end signs appear outta thin air...and finding yourself at a crossroad once again you're fresh out of options... You don't even try to figure out where you're headed...it's like a sea of uncertainties and you have the amazing gift of picking the shakiest road... Having a dream shattered in a split second..right before your eyes...well it's been cracking and beggining to come loose for a while now... In a forrest of fucking up you go hug the most fucked up tree and keep on trying to fix it...let me know how it went... As for me...you can start counting the fucks i'm about to give...

i can shine even on my own

all you tend to do is break up and make up and give up...then remember you could always hope and dream and give in...

this is not about what the fuck went wrong...this isn't about all those missed opportunities and what could've been...this isn't another attempt for  an excuse...

this is about having the guts to put yourself out there...and let some sun shine on you...sure...it could also be coffee pouring continuously into your cup...or it could be a person you randomly ran into...and since everything happens for a reason there are no random acts of kindness from the Universe...everything happens for a reason...

and when you find yourself chocked with fear...tears running from your eyes, smeared make-up and a weird excitement in the back of your head...what's that? 

you might find every excuse in the world not to do something, go someplace or tell something to someone...but sometimes, once in a blue moon, dreams do happen, you do get lucky and you do win the jackpot...all at once...and for the first time...you feel like a million dollars...your best friend is by your side...holding your hand and being fabulous...

this step you're about to take will take you into an amazing adventure...closer to your hearts desires, to yourself and to feeling...

is this the end of relationships as we know them?

what if relationships simply do not work as we think they do...what if this whole idea of romance and love and falling in and out of love is just another attempt to define a state of the soul?

just think about it...you see people around you, holding hands and you can't help but wonder why at others everything seems easy...why do you, you of all people, have to work really hard to get what you wish for...i mean it's not that much you ask anyways...all you want is what every body else seems to have: love, peace, complicity, understanding....

when it comes down to actually doing it...trying to figure out your boundaries...when you finally completed your safety circle you see it's kind of square and it has dark corners you never predicted...

you go through life trying to label everything and every one...but you can't even seem to put yourself in the right place...and all the wrong choices come from the past to poke you in your calm and, for the moment, satisfied ass...then what??

there is no right path or secret ingredient...as i have come to realize...there is no textbook relationship...how we handle ourselves with the person closest to our soul is our choice alone...it's up to us what a relationship makes...and it's up to you to figure out your deal breaker...

how do you know when enough is enough? why do you want more than that feeling that you have? what is with this constant need of safety and certainty? do we define ourselves or the cravings that linger in the "what if's" ? how do you know you won't have to share and, in the end, what do you actually know?

do you know what you want and exactly how you want it? do you have your whole life set out for yourself? or does yet another relationship gone bad get you even more determined not to give in a single inch...do you actually want a relationship or the feeling?

careful girl cause you might just end up in a relationship with the relationship and your boy sipping another coffee... and you might have to consider your options and get your priorities checked...are you up for everything or something more ?

easy like sunday morning

for the first time there is no heart ache, there are no worries, no what if's, no twisting and turning in your sleep...

for the very first time sleeping in a tiny bed with another person is easy, calm, restful...

for the first time you open up completely in the face of the unexpected chemistry that seems to have appeared out of no where...

for the first time it's natural...and you cannot fake natural...

faced with the unbelievable, the unthinkable, are you up for an exciting adventure?

you dare to put yourself out there...and just as you heard the "i'm not in a relationship place right now" speech one too many times in a short period of time, you get back to basics and to the things that make you who you are...

it's all or nothing, baby...it's always been all or nothing...there were times when you gave in, accepted bits and pieces, took turns and shared...and look where that got you...

this time you raised your head up high and took a stand...not to impress, but to keep yourself from falling apart once again...you could have a fair amount of awesome moments together...but the uncertainty will for sure break you...

it's all or nothing, because anything in between will kill you...you cannot feel half of what you're feeling, you cannot give half of yourself, not even you can do that back and forth dance all over again...

a lot of things were left unspoken and many questiones remain to be asked, but the warm fuzzy feeling of peace and escape into eachother's arms cannot be altered...it's there...it's easy

as for me...for the first time leaving doesn't make me sad...i have something to come back to...for as long as you'll feel free...

and forget about the world

has it ever been as easy as rolling a dice? although every chance is against you...you might get lucky just this once...

always hoping for a better ending to one's story doesn't mean it'll ever get to change...

it's all about the games you get to play...hide and seek, tag: you're it, or baby baby how i like you...

did you ever experience that type of surreal connection while waiting for the dice to decide what'll happen next? that feeling of complete sharing of thoughts, emotions, train of feeling...

it's been a pretty rough patch lately...but somehow it got sewed back together...

as for me...i'm pretty up in the sky...found a way to stop the world from spinning for a perfect second...and the cold after-rain smell reminds me of the coffee in the background...waiting...always...

mercy

what's the deal with all the expectations we have from every thing and every one around us?

sure, the white picket fence doesn't seem so bad right about now...who wouldn't choose certainty over deliberate and constant doubts? it's like knowing the unexpected and unwanted is right around the corner waiting to catch you off guard and you stroll down that dark alley anyway...

what happened to the simpler things in life? when your biggest problem was whether or not to have that 4th coffee...

as people grow into the lives they made for themselves what defines them as individuals? with a series of unfortunate choices behind you, what makes you break the cycle and carry on differently?

maybe what you took for infatuation were just mind-blowing orgasms...maybe he just isn't that much into you and sex was just something you both had to get out of the way before moving on from the ghost of relationships past...

what about the anticipation? that of the first kiss, first touch, first cute little thing he did for you? would he be a good kisser? is there any chemistry? how will it be once you've slept with him?

as scary as it might seem to open up to a new person it's a leap of faith that either you take or you don't...there is no other way, no different shades of gray...but what happens when it's misinterpreted, mistaken for something else? maybe on both sides...

i'm curious which one of you out there have a clue what you're doing when faced with incredible experiences that cannot be anything more than sweet memories of a thing that once happened...

you might tend to act upon impulse and demand explanations, you might even try to fake an entire story, but you won't be able to fake that intensity of what was actually there...

there will be times when you won't know who you are or where you're going or wondering why you've put yourself through some pretty fucked up situations...and it'll be hard as hell to dig deep down and find your true self again...

but in the end...it comes down to those perfect moments when you wake up to a familiar face and a warm feeling of belonging to that second when nothing is wrong and nobody else exists in the world...

as for me...i'm somewhere in between...looking back to what went down and looking forward to the next picture perfect memory...until then...we'll always have coffee