mercy

what's the deal with all the expectations we have from every thing and every one around us?

sure, the white picket fence doesn't seem so bad right about now...who wouldn't choose certainty over deliberate and constant doubts? it's like knowing the unexpected and unwanted is right around the corner waiting to catch you off guard and you stroll down that dark alley anyway...

what happened to the simpler things in life? when your biggest problem was whether or not to have that 4th coffee...

as people grow into the lives they made for themselves what defines them as individuals? with a series of unfortunate choices behind you, what makes you break the cycle and carry on differently?

maybe what you took for infatuation were just mind-blowing orgasms...maybe he just isn't that much into you and sex was just something you both had to get out of the way before moving on from the ghost of relationships past...

what about the anticipation? that of the first kiss, first touch, first cute little thing he did for you? would he be a good kisser? is there any chemistry? how will it be once you've slept with him?

as scary as it might seem to open up to a new person it's a leap of faith that either you take or you don't...there is no other way, no different shades of gray...but what happens when it's misinterpreted, mistaken for something else? maybe on both sides...

i'm curious which one of you out there have a clue what you're doing when faced with incredible experiences that cannot be anything more than sweet memories of a thing that once happened...

you might tend to act upon impulse and demand explanations, you might even try to fake an entire story, but you won't be able to fake that intensity of what was actually there...

there will be times when you won't know who you are or where you're going or wondering why you've put yourself through some pretty fucked up situations...and it'll be hard as hell to dig deep down and find your true self again...

but in the end...it comes down to those perfect moments when you wake up to a familiar face and a warm feeling of belonging to that second when nothing is wrong and nobody else exists in the world...

as for me...i'm somewhere in between...looking back to what went down and looking forward to the next picture perfect memory...until then...we'll always have coffee