should i stay or should i go?

it's surprising how low and down one can feel at times...it's like there's a storm inside but there's no alarm button to press...

it all begins with you twisting and turning inside your head trying to find a cause to your restlesness...the digger you try to dig, the harder the surface you're scratching on...

it's a unique blend of despair, seasoned with a pinch of panic and a touch of excitement...yes...excitement...because you never know what'll come out of this...at first you don't know what to make of it...the whole not-knowing-what-the-fuck's-worng-with-you part turns into a quest of analyzing yourself to the core...breaking your every thought into pieces and then flipping it on every side...

then...after giving up and finally deciding to give it a rest...somehing happens...and, usually, the most unexpected things happen in situations like these...the "i-can't-believe-how-this-turned-out" phase is where the excitement from the prior step finds its ending...then...you tend to repeat the first step...because once again, you don't know what's wrong with you, you don't know what to do with what just happened...you don't dare to open your eyes...

as for me..i'm somewhere in between...