i'll be waiting...time after time

well...i won't promise you a smooth ride, nor will i claim it'll always be ok...

i can assure you, though, that there will be mood swings, i will get upset and you probably won't understand why...i will need tons and tons of chocolate and hugs and kisses...

there will be ups and downs and maybe we'll even fight a lot over nothing...i'll probably get to the point where i won't be able to put my ego aside and you won't talk to me so we don't fight...we'll break up..trying to live apart..acting like we don't give a fuck if the other even exists...

but we'll find our way back...to that bench in the parking lot...in the middle of the night...cuz i'd rather swallow my pride than lose you, i'd rather go for miles back and forth than live without seeing you...

i promise we'll have tons of make-up-sex and then some more, i promise i'll be there making you coffee untill you finish your project...

i promise i'm gonna make this song sound better and better every time you replay it...

have you ever had someone tell you that what they felt for you was like a melody on repeat that you just can't get enough of?

fetish...

have you ever loved something or someone more than you could've ever imagined? the type of love so pure and honest it almost hurts? did you ever have the certainty that when you'll wake up it'll be there...waiting faithfully with it's incomparable smell...hot and willing to enter your every cell...to give you strength...to get you going on a rainy day?

i have...and i'd like to thank it for being there for me...every morning of everyday...when even i had given up hope...

thank you, my love...
thank you dearest coffee

hot and awesome

coffee by my side, almost fake and gay music in my left ear, and the spirits to conquer the world...

so here goes...

no boundaries were left intact...no laws unbroken...no whisper without an echo...

you wake up one morning to find an empty bed and what you've dreamed still there...you try to get up but somehow the memory of last nights' journey lingers...you saw it clearly...no doubt about it...felt it...and not even the fresh pot of coffee can make it go away...for the first time in years you stop searching for everyone's hidden agenda...and just embrace it...

so what if he didn't call, so what if he doesn't hold your hands at night or bring you chocolate when you're PMS-ing?! so fucking what if your life isn't like what they spoon-fed you in movies?

just remember that first time you made him smile, when he told you he likes you and how awesome you are...no labels...no worries...let it happen...

as for me... my hot and awesome self...as usual...feeling more like carrie bradshaw everyday...only better...hotter... more awesome...and always right!

fake and gay

boy meets girl

girl likes boy

boy leaves

girl gets over crush

time goes by

boy misses girl...

tha fuck?!?!

up'n running

i'll be waiting 'till the sky falls down
'till you come around
....baby

brighter side...

you let go...start to unwind for the first time in months and right after you finish your coffee and think to yourself it's gonna be a great day after all...it hits you once again...only this time it came out of the fuckin' blue...

you try to convince yourself it's not that bad...you dig deep down hoping to find the one good thing that might come of this...as i sad...you try...too goddamn much...and you don't seem able to do it...

take a sip of coffee and lay back...light that shit and pass it on...

i wake up in the morning and put on my face...

i don't wanna be...

did you ever try to do things a certain way hoping they'll turn out ok? trying to follow every one's advice and ignoring your instincts?

Stop!!!

...hang in for dear life and stop wondering if you're doing the right thing...no more external interventions...

as for me...i'm doing it my way...coping with things the only way i know...throwing in the disappointmens and taking everything else in...i'm letting myself go, cuz it's the only way i'll ever be able to find myself again...

i don't wanna be anything other than what i've been lately...

allergy

did you ever wake up to finding your eyes in tears, your nose itching and hardly being able to breathe?

undisclosed desires

you wake up one morning to find yourself all grown up, facing life with its problems, joys and responsibilities...

at the end of the day you have the boy, the love, the happiness...

and you wake up...or...better said...you're forced to wake up...cup of coffee right in front of you...no boy...love still there...fighting for happiness...

try having a healthy relationship with yourself first...then go get the boy back!!!



as for me...alone...after what seems like for ever...doing exactly the things you don't even dare to think of...and when i'm done, i'm getting my boy back!

because I CAN

where do all good people go...

coffee, snow, depression, anxiety, laughter, totally out of control, coffee, mornings at noon, tests, exams, christmas spirit[as if], presents [bring it on], cigarettes, coffee, cold, chocolate chip cookies, buddha bar...jack johnson...

and in the end it all comes down to waking up to the warm smell of coffee as you just realize what you did the night before, wearing his t-shirt and having his perfume carved in your skin...

but it's been a while...too long...and you miss it...and want it more than your morning cigarette...

is it just the mere thought of feeling it or the actual feeling?


still out there? well...too bad cuz i'm in here...where's colder than on the outside...

doing it for the thrill...

Did you ever wake up to a cup of coffee in no particular morning, with nothing special to do and then...it hit you...just out of the fuckin' nowhere...it hit you...

the troubles, the sleepless nights, the panic and excitement...you knew this day would come eventually...and as soon as you stopped trying to figure out when...it hit you...

the end of depression, the end of an era...

suddenly the sun's shining again and coffee's never been better...you're too old for all this shit...or are you?? you don't need all the drama...there was no decision for you to make after all...all you did was sit and wait...the world kept on spinning and you figured it all out in a heart-beat...

you're just doing it for the thrill...you silly little adrenaline junkie you...it doesn't matter where you get it from as long as you always have your fix on time...you say you can settle down and stop...but it's stronger than you...it's carved deep down inside you and as hard as you try you won't be able to get rid of it...you might as well embrace it...

now go outside, grab a coffee, let it sink in and find your epi for the day...

as for me...sitting, waiting, wishing...

where are the pixies?

esti nicaieri si peste tot...si nimic nu aduce cu acasa..te invarti pe zi ce trece intr-un cerc tot mai mic, simti cum raza vizuala ti se scurteaza si se lasa ceata...


si e frig...si gol...si se simte un aer umed...si ti-ai dori macar un strop de ploaie sa-ti inmoaie pielea...

cu o vaga ramasita de parfum de cafea in suflet si cu cana goala stai si te uiti in gol...incerci sa te aduni...sa-ti asterni ipocrizia pe o foaie alba sperand ca asa o sa reusesti sa gasesti cele doua capete unde ti s-a rupt imaginea ultima data... forezi in amintiri...mimezi indiferenta...si cauti

singura problema e ca in momentul in care ai renuntat, voit sau nu, la ce aveai si ai permis aceasta desprindere de acea perioada in care lucrurile erau ok e ca acum, cand incerci sa carpesti un sentiment, obeservi ca restul trairilor s-au destramat de mult...

si inca o data refuzi sa iti asumi responsabiliti, sa recunosti ca poate a fost vina ta...nu poti sa te detasezi si s-o judeci la rece...si te roade...te consuma...iti mananca visele si orele de somn...te cuprinde o greata de tot ceea ce inseamna ziua de maine, care nu pare a aduce cu sine o noua sansa ci, mai degraba, prelungirea unei agonii...

si bati strazi intregi in cautarea unui material cu aceeasi textura si culoare ca visele tale...dar realizezi, asta daca ai noroc, ca asa ceva nu exista, ca totul e in capul tau...ca se transpune in viata reala, ca pune stapanire pe tine, iti provoaca panica si iti rugineste si ultimul strop de speranta...

cu vointa redusa si visele oxidate n-o sa ajungi la echilibru...schimba datele problemei si ia-o de la capat...incepe o alta pagina...pentru alte refulari...si schimba ipocrizia pe cinism...cel putin cinismul nu necesita un zambet fals si o masca...

where to?

Remember that craving to feel something, anything? well....how about if sooner than you could've imagined you got to the point where what you felt wasn't exactly what you might've expected...

Instead of things beginning to look up, they went into the opposite direction and you find yourself filled with dispair...everything seems grimmer than ever and you get dragged against your will to the middle of fuckin' nowhere...

Now that you know exactly where you stand, you tend to analyze you're options and figure out where you're heading...but...

you're in the middle of fuckin nowhere!!! where do you think you might be going???

i suggest you start running around in circles...it's easier than just sitting there...it's your fault you got there in the first place...it's you're fault you're depressed...and, since you've got pretty much no chance in hell to figure out why you feel like a piece of shit, you might as well start running...it might help to take the edge off...

ready...steady...WAKE UP!!!

soul...storm?!

Alone without you baby
And here i go again on my own


Have you ever got to the point where you started to question everything you are, everything you feel, everything you wanna be? ...like you're one a big empty one-way street? it might sound as a cliche but you're stuck in a place where no feelings can reach you...


You wake up to the same smell of coffee and it doesn't give you the kick it once used to...you force yourself to feel...to find that one thing...anything, actually, that might move you...and you start to run around in circles and your perfume can't seem to cover up the stench of your dreams gone rotten...

And you try...God knows how much you try to get over yourself and start over once again... you begin to dig deeper and deeper inside yourself, searching for that thing that usually made you snap out if this pathetic excuse you've turned into...

Brainstorm your way out of it...let yourself feel...allow every little thing that comes your way to touch you and then cry it off...then put on that mask you thought you'd never have to wear again, smile your way out of this hollowness that has taken hold of you...

One can only sink that low...and as you come to terms with that, add some extra sugar to your coffee...just as much as you need to feel its flavor once again...Can you feel the rush?

As for me...i've been out of touch with reality and its surroundings for the past few months, but life, being the bitch that she is, keeps on calling it quits on me...

I'll live...would you?

funny the way it is...

...when you wake up one morning to a hot cup of coffee and an almost sunny day...your phone starts ringing off the hook and you get only good news...one of your best friends is moving in with you...your significant other is finally on his way to becoming even more awesome than he already is [like that could even be possible :P]...you find out about the exam you have the next morning and that there's no way in hell you'll make it...and it feels just fine...

somehow...right now...in the strangest way possible...you have yet another deja vu...only this time you're sure you've lived it before...and you thank whatever force might be up there that you're living it again...cause, for the first time, it feels so goddamn right...no doubt about it...

yes...you've taken another risk...you've put yourself out there...and it's fuckin worth it...for the first time you've got something you can count on...

and if you were wondering how i'm doing...well...i'm awesome...

now...you kids get out there...maybe..just maybe...you'll be lucky enough to be half as happy as i am

maybe i don't wanna be a shoe...

Did you ever get that feeling that totally froze you up inside? the stupid feeling of anxiety up to the point you'd rather smash your head against the wall than do a certain thing?

and you did it anyway...it was just like ripping off a band-aid...quick and painstabbing...

you got your ass on that train...went to a certain place you might call home...usual faces...same blinding lights...same feeling...good old friends...same beer...coffee...lots of coffee...

and you go out and try to have fun...and you finally get what you'd wished for...only it came too goddamn late...

then life takes you by surprise...and you go to places you've never seen before...new people but still only one...the one?? who knows...and you discover new sides to the same story...different versions of your same-old life...different feelings from within...

it's a trip...what can i say?... and you sit and wonder how did you get so lucky as all this things come your way...

well...good things come to those who make'em happen...and, as a dear and close person once said...

the hardest think you have to do is taking that first step, after that...the rest will follow....

and it does...with each day changing, renewing itself, growing...

does it remind you?

you feel it's gonna last forever, and forever you shall bear it with you...the noise, the music, the mood you were in, the dress she was wearing, her perfume...

let it sink it...but it already has...you can feel it in every cell of your body...the thrill..the excitement..the whole"i-don't-know-what-to-do-with-what-is-happening-to-me"...

you're out of breath...no air seems to enter your body...the only thing you can cope with is that, what seemed like forever, moment that you stared into each others eyes...

one look, one word, one touch, one feeling...a single chance...but you were just a too big of a fuckin' coward to do something about it...and now...NOTHING...

nothing to see, nothing to feel, nothing to hold you tight, nothing you can take with you when you go to bed...

but the sensation of what you have passed by lingers...and all these doubts form themselves in your head...making you analyze every single little detail of what could've happened if you had the balls to do something about it...

now open your eyes...see...someone is out there...someone gives a damn...but is it the one you want?

it's not a habbit...it's cool

you just have to get yourself together cause you're starting to lose it...

deep breath...that's right...in and out...

one can never have too much, love too much and get hurt enough... that's why people keep on trying to make it work...keep on hoping...keep on loving...

but sometimes you get to the point when you start to ask yourself whether it's worth to even bother...you know you've put yourself out there one too many times...you tried to make everything ok...to make things work...you gave the best of you...and from that point on all you can do is wait for life to follow it's course...it can only go two ways...


1. you can get hurt once more...and then you start to blame everything and everyone around you for what went wrong...you try to find a reason for what has happened to you once more...you ask yourself stuff like:

• why only bad things come your way...
• why bad things come only your way...
• how will you manage to survive...
• when will it all end...
• how will it end...
• should you end it right here, right now...

OR

2.you find that thing that truly makes you happy...you feel that everything you've worked for is finally paying off...and everything you hoped for is coming true...but, since you're only human, you start to wonder stuff like:

• what did you do to deserve this...
  
• why did this happen to you...
• how long will it last...
• is it really true...
• is it really happening to you...
• what are you going to do once it's over...

don't worry...the first version usually happens, so you'll be ok just bitching about what's wrong in your life and saying to anyone willing to listen how big of a victim you are...

and if the second version happens you will be too busy wondering what will you do if it were to end, instead of just enjoying it...because you're too big of a stupid, conceited, self-conscious asshole to realize that you're happy for once, and you'll manage to get out of it soon enough...

so, either way, whether you get your way with it or not, you can bitch about what an unhappy and unlucky poor loser you are...

this takes me to what George Bernard Shaw once said: "There are two tragedies in life: one is not to get your heart's desire and the other is to get it."

so sleep on it...or you might just as well fuck it...

it's cool...i feel alright

heart broken
heart bend
heart split into two

have you ever felt soooo much, and yet not enough for one person?

have you ever loved so much it hurts? but not only one person...not only one dream...not only an idea....

because there's sooo much more out there...more than you...more than you can cope with...more than you can imagine...more than you can understand...

mixed signals...mixed feelings...mixed expressions...mixed up story in a fucked up version of what you wish you would be...

and you hope and you long for that feeling that fills your heart, mind and soul till the point you think you're about to burst if it stays with you...you crave for happiness...

BUT...guess what....you're searching for fulfillment in all the wrong places...

go deep inside your biggest fear...sink into the horrors of what may come your way if the worst were to happen...

then come back to the reality surrounding you...and enjoy...you're life doesn't completely suck after all...

find that thing that keeps you going through the day...find that place inside you where it's worm and cozy and stop blaming everyone around you for what seems to be a mess...

it's a chaotic order out there...all you need is the right pair of glasses and a big enough cup of coffee in the morning to see the order unravel in front of you

open your eyes....