i hope you like dreaming

there comes a moment when you realize there is no happily ever after...no matter how much you dreamed of it and wished for it to exist...there are, though, happily ever after moments...those moments when you feel like anything is possible and you're unbreakable...

but what do you do when that moment fades away into sweet oblivion and the only thing you have to wake up to is the empty reality of tomorrow?

your ideal world, where you'd somehow manage to be happy falls apart in a second...and it wasn't an earthquake that caused it...it was a stupid thing someone said...and your mood changed and your almost perfect day got ruined in an instant...

you start to analyze everything all over again...try to put the pieces back together...they don't fit anymore...maybe you grew out of your dreams or maybe they are just too out of sight...

out of touch, out of reach, facing nothing and the world at the same time...you have so little...and yet the world is yours to take over...

what's keeping you to snap out of it and fight?

as for me...i raise my glass of wine to all of you out there who do something about it...and to those who find a way...

rehab

someone once told me that being addicted to emotion is as simple as being addicted to coffee or cigarettes...come to think about it...it was true...

imagine getting so angry about something...like being angry at yourself for fucking stuff up...once again...and you promised yourself you wouldn't put yourself through that ever again...yet again...you did it anyway...

now...think about it closely...why do you keep on following the same patterns over and over again? can't you tell the difference between good and bad anymore? or was that the part missing from your world to begin with?


or maybe...just maybe...it's all about the chemistry that goes on inside yourself...the reaction to a stimuli...may that be guilt, anger, frustration[ oh yes...there are living, breathing, walking among us examples of those type of addicts], nicotine, caffeine or THC.

be it as it may...you might have to consider getting some help! there are special places with rainbows and unicorns where addicts get the care and attention they need...

so go out there and find a cure for your itch!

if i just lay here...

there's nothing like trying so hard to get something done, trying to make those words just come out of your mouth...or at the tips of your fingers, for that matter...it's like it's there, inside your head, just waiting to come out...but there simply aren't the proper words to  describe it...

it's like trying to describe the taste of coffee in the morning or the smell of summer rain...and it's sooo frustrating...how could you possibly make other people see the world through your eyes? you can make them feel or you could simply tell your version of it...but how can you be sure you got through to them? 

deep breath, light up another cigarette, stop thinking about coffee in the middle of the night and focus! not on what you wan to say bu what made you wanna say it in the first place. take a step back and look outside your circle.

take a break and resume...

the end

it's like everything you ever hoped for was being sucked out of you...every dream, every happy moment, every nice thought...you can feel the warmth of peace drifting further and further away, but you can't even get restless, because, in the end there are no feelings left...

you wake up the next day, hoping it was just a nightmare...but wait! there is no feeling of relief...no sudden joy of coming to terms with reality...just void sucking the air out of the room...as you gasp for air, you try to go to your happy place, but you get nothing...it's blank...no sunshine, no ocean, no mojito, and, the worst of it all, no coffee...you do however have one last cigarette, but you decide to save it for later...maybe you cand still find something, anything to hold on to...

it's late, everyone's tired and you've just reached the end of the rope...

as for me...i'm holding the other end...

scary monsters and fluffy puppies

who doesn't want to wake up to a Prince Charming, a hot cup of coffee and an ocean view?

instead you find yourself sleeping in the dog house again due to your complete lack of coordination...how hard could it have been to get that task ready on time? but no. it's easier to postpone up to the point when not even a time travelling machine could possibly save your sorry ass.

but on the Upper I-don't-Give-A-Fuck Side, fresh coffee is being served every 30minutes, a line of charming princes line up in front of the door, and there is a pony granting wishes to anyone who can feed it rainbows...

then you can  always go to the magical land of Mass Destruction and Denial, where every bad thought is being washed three times with pixie dust, then it's left there squicky clean to dry...after a while you'll become so used to the whole process that blocking everything out will be your second nature.

in the end it's your land of choice...what's it going to be? a fairytale gone bad, or a cold shot of reality with a twist?

as for me, i'm fine up here, inside my head, cup of coffee at hand, wishing you all a very happy daydreaming!

from desireland with love...

as crazy as it might seem, given the circumstances, what most people want is that special someone or something that makes them tick...whether it's about money, jobs or hopes and dreams, anyone can say in an instant what they don't want...ask them what they want and that's when the tricky part kicks in...

we spend our whole life meeting someone's expectations...our parents, our teachers and, when we get to our own, it seems we've suddenly grown outta place and everything turns complicated and, after all, there's always tomorrow to meet your hearts desire...

then tomorrow turns into a month, a month into a year, then years start passing by and you find yourself, on your deathbed, wishing you'd get a do-over...

H. Jackson Brown Jr. once said
"Be bold and courageous. When you look back on your life, you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the ones you did."

so...get out there, and follow your hearts' desire, do whatever makes you happy, do not postpone, cuz you might not get any other chance to do it ever again..take risks...sometimes they pay off beyond your wildest dreams... as Steve Jobs once said "don't live someone else's life"

go get yourself some...[feel free to fill in the blanks with your deepest craving ]

as for me, i've been...[feel free to choose from : better, in and out of love, inside my head, sitting waiting wishing, soul searching, ..., ..., ... ]

and, finally, I wish i'd have a huge cup of coffee to comfort me and keep me warm...

shoes and other issues

it's like you have a pair of shoes..the pretty Louboutin you've dreamed for for ages...all the right things happened, you earned enough money and saved your ass off and finally got them...you gave them their special place in your closet, wear them on every occasion you get and check in on them daily, just to see if they're ok...everything goes great for a while...you might even think that that's the last pair of shoes you've ever bought...then, one day, you start checking out other shoes through the store windows...wondering how it'll be just to try them on...your Loubis will still be there for you when you get home at night, they won't mind, it's not like you're cheating on them or anything..it's just shoes for god's sake...it's not like you were supposed to settle down after the last great pair of shoes you bought...you're young, there plenty of shoes in the sea...what if another pair will fit you better, what if all you want is to be an inch higher on some Manolos??

and then...

you finally did it...someone took you off that shelf and brought you home...and such a pretty home, indeed...you've got your very own shelf now, you don't have to mix and mingle with last years' collection...you are now the only red-soled shoes on the premises...there's no way she'll ever want another pair...not even those extravagant Jimmy Choo's...until one day...she comes home, her feet feel different...they smell like something you've almost forgotten...they smell like...like...NEW SHOES..other shoes...she tried on something else...she's thinking about buying a new pair...or maybe, just maybe, she was just curious how it felt...you see no new bag, no box, no sign of intruders being brought back with her...but the smile on her face and the smell of new shoes linger...

mobile

everything is changing
when i turn around
out of my control
i'm a mobile

how do we manage to find ourselves stuck in even harder situations every time we think this time's gonna be different? take a sip of coffee before you light up that cigarette...take a step back and take a hard look at yourself from the outside...

you've always fought to keep yourself away form any type of pain...even if that turned you into a stone-cold bitch to those who had no idea who you were...but what happens when even you don't know who you are anymore...what if you got sick and tired of the game you always played in front of every one else?

so here you are now...in a place you've never allowed yourself to be in...and you try to find yourself or at least to make someone up...think really hard, little girl, who you wanna be and what it takes to get you there...

at the end of the day, take off your mask and ask yourself if all of this is worth it...

stars in their eyes

you wake up...coffee...and what seemed to fade away whilst sleeping comes back to you...you shake it off and go on with your day...you wish that you could just go to that quiet place where you don't feel despair, sadness and fear...

you see couples walking down the street, kissing, holding hands and you try to remember when it was you that happy...it might sound cliche, but it's so goddamn true: everyone only craves that fuzzy feeling inside that lifts you up where you belong...

so...you can either wait to be swept off your feet or...make it happen :)

as for me, you can buy me with a coffee...you can even buy me with a smile...but i wish you could steal me with a kiss and run away with me to the end of the world...

i got a pocket, got a pocket full of sunshine

ain't it kinda funny how you go through life hoping to be happy...sitting, waiting, wishing...

then the first thing that makes you even the least uncertain of your already figured-out-life makes you second guess every decision you ever took...i think that the second that something new comes and interferes with the orderly chaos we've created for ourselves is close to disaster...i mean...really now...who can honestly say they enjoy waking up in the morning genuinely feeling like that particular day will have a huge enough impact as to change the outcome of their entire life? i dare say every day is monumental to the twists and turns your existence endures.

and what if someone, your parents for example, has your whole life set out for you...it's like they own a part of the forest, they've already taken a part of the inconvenient trees down, built a home and started a crop...then, when you grow up, they expect you to take over what they've started and tame tiny animals, hunt on your own and start a grow house...yes...this is the point where a big "what if" gets in the way...

so...what if...you want to have your own accomplishments?what if you've always dreamed of living by the sea? what if you want to start cutting down some trees on your own and try to see what's outside the forest...what if you want to work hard...maybe harder than your parents ever had to...because you have your own dream, you've got an idea that has grown bigger and bigger into your mind and soul and whose calling you can no longer neglect...what if it's not about having your way instead of theirs? what if you put yourself through all the wilderness so you can better appreciate what they've done for you...it doesn't have to be you walking your separate way for the rest of your life...you get out there, follow your gut instinct and chase your dream...grow into the upstanding person you are and take it from there...and never forget about the spot in the forest...and someday may your path lead you back to it so you can help it thrive under your command.

as for me...i've had life coming and biting me right in the ass...although i can't quite complain...it all turned out for the best: i'm single, in love and awesome...

so everyone, coffee's on me today :)

little boxes on the hill side...

as you wake up to find the snow melted, and that lingering feeling of childhood fading away, you turn on the stove and wait for your hot coffee...

it's one of those mornings when you tend to over-analyze everything but yourself...and you've come to realize you're no better than the rest in terms of labeling people...you put them in boxes, you think you can tell what they're thinking, where they're going through and what they expect from life...the only difference is that you have a crisp view of the picture...it's not like you're just giving out an opinion...no...it's more than thatyou lived it...you are still living it now...so let's call your side of the story an inside one ;) it'll be our secret...promise i won't tell...so...are you ready to pour out your soul?

you tell me that all the men out there are split into two: 99% of them are the blissfully stupid ones that don't cause any drama but get blamed for it, and the other 1% who are smart enough to create drama...let's call them players...

now...it's a known fact women tend to search a hidden message into every single thing they see...being that a plastic bag on the street rolling around counter clockwise (why is it rolling that way? it has to mean something..but what??) so if you apply that to the 99% of blissfully stupid men who don't go around causing drama what do you get? exactly...unsolicited drama and couples who break up for no reason.

and the last topic of this morning are the other 1% who can either play their women into sweet submission...they can play the game of relationships so goddamn well and they twist and turn their sweetheart's mind and they either drive them insane and out of a relationship or they do it so good that they end up with the perfect stay-at-home wife..

it's a pretty flawless logic so far, right? can you find loophole?

i found mine ;)
may your winter be filled with hot flavorful coffee and white fluffy snow!

and remember...there's always a loophole

watch you sleeping...

I wanna join you sleeping peaceful
Feeling the sun in our room
What a plenty of rays and beaming lights
Surely, it does me good

you get everything you own packed in a suitcase, ready to move and leave it all behind...but as you're about to walk out that door you wanna catch a last glimpse of what you had, what you were and what you're walking away from...

same doubts keep you posted, you can't even move or breathe...like just another fairytale which went rotten...but you have one thing figured out...you're gonna run away...to just about any other place that isn't where you are right now...this is what you've been doing for as long as you can remember...and sometimes you got tired of running..laid down to rest and got a chance to start fresh...then it got complicated and you made it easy for everyone involved and got up and took off...sometimes you even came back to the place you ran away from...but you got really bored and turned your back on it again...

if you ever wonder if you'll ever stay..and if so...what'll get you to stay...what makes you give first and ask no questions later...wonder no more..you'll just feel it...

when the time's right, when the place feels like the home you've never had you won't be settling...you'll just settle down and do all the things you never thought you'd be doing...

as for me...i went away to find myself and found my love to grow stronger despite the distance, the fighting and all the mundane things...

no doubts...no worries...no pride...no sorrow...tons of coffee, you smiling in your sleep and me...there...to watch you sleeping...soon and for as long as you'll have me

dear nature,

i sometimes get soo pissed i swear i could move mountains if they dare stay in my way... then i remember that the mountains were there for me to protect me in times of need...
and that i'm most likely PMS-ing again...
and that the mountains were probably just hungry...
and i start to chill...
and realise i might've over reacted a bit (okay...maybe a bit more than i like to admit [yes...even to myself] but shhh don't tell anyone)
and i start feeling sorry for some things i said...some things i wish i would've done...

aaaand, even though i'm a sea-person through and through, i'm head over heels with my stubborn, hot as hell mountains...
and that's a fact...

oh...and mountains, if you by any chance read this, i know you don't usually do this, but do come home to me...or else i'm gonna reach out to settle this...behind closed doors...

xoxo

lights will guide you home...

...and i'm fixing myself

life's got a funny way to show you your place in the world...you can never know when you're about to face your heart aches...it might be a photo, or a song or a movie...and you should be grateful if it happens when you're home alone...

suddenly you are drawn to that dark little place or to that memory you tried hard to forget or you remember the people you miss the most and that are far away...

it's pretty crazy how you wanna get away from a certain place and catch yourself actually missing it...and as soon as you go back you wanna leave all over again...

and you take a leap of faith...change the scenery, the people around you, your playlist, you give up half your bad customs and you start living while being alive...and feeling it...differently every time you try another side of your story...but you keep your dear friends...you still have the smell of coffee in the morning...but most importantly you now have that sense of belonging...not to a place, not even to a person...but to the feeling those two give you...

kids, as you lay in bed tonight remember the most happy thing you've ever lived and i'm telling you that it can get better than that...so you go out there and allow yourself to feel...

sleep on it...i just woke up and a wonder awaits...

can i has it?

have you ever thought about what you're ready to give up, or to compromise or to settle with when in a relationship?

it ain't easy to find that person who'll get your heart racing like the world's about to end...and usually you don't find him/she...they find you...when you least expect it...and they turn your whole life upside-down...you start doing the things you said you'll never do, cause they come as natural and you wouldn't have it any other way...

remember how it's a known fact that you should be like really careful with what you wish for?but extra special careful...cuz...that's right...you might just get it...and i can assure you that when you get it [not IF but WHEN...cuz you will actually get it]you won't have the slightest clue what hit you...and it'll catch you completely off guard...and it'll blow you away in ways you didn't even think possible...and, at the same time, it'll put things into such perspective..everything will just fall into place and make perfect sense...and if you've wished for the right stuff it's gonna be a hell of a right, having all your being challenged in a way you never thought it could...

now...if you're a person that easily gets bored [like i do] this'll make you jump up and down with joy cuz you'll never experience a dull moment for as long as you embrace what just hit you...

so kids...be careful what you wish for...cuz my wish came true

bulletproof

funny the way it is when you get yourself drawn into the most amazing thing that's happened to you in a while...

even funnier how you get to feel that warm feeling inside that even coffee couldn't give you...

you wake up one morning to the smell of butterflies and having your chest almost burst open with excitement...you only have one day till your finals are over...the summery feeling that was crawling at you,now really got the best of you...pretty dresses...nice shoes...no more smoking...tons of coffee...ice-cold water...

as for me...i'm as happy as i've ever been...and it took a wonder to get me where i am now...

i've made up my mind...

...i'm calling it quits on the whole i-don't-give-a-fuck thing...because i do...every day i give a fuck...and i'm begining to give more than a fuck...so...this is me telling the world i'm out there...still hoping for the best...very much in love...with life and its disasters...

this is my way of showing i care...and me giving up my mask...at least sometimes...and in front of you...i might not be able to tell you every day how much i care...cuz i might not find the words to describe what i'm feeling...i might freak out and act like a total bitch...i might even be more stubborn than usual...but you can buy me with a smile...you can sacre away my fears while being in your arms...and whisper your feelings into my soul...

drop by anytime...i'm open now...

things i'll never say...

i won't tell you how much and what i feel about you...
you'll never know how nervous you get me sometimes...
...or how i feel like i'm melting when you lean over to kiss me...

i keep on searching words inside my head...and everything i say comes out wrong...
you'll never know i'd do pretty much anything to keep you happy...proud...safe...

and as my words keep hiding from me...i eagerly bring them to surface...finding the right way to say what i want...

except there's is no right or wrong in my world...there are only feelings...and sometimes i wonder if it's real...all this that i'm feeling...is it love or just infatuation...

anyhow...guess you'll never know i'm falling...deeper and harder...

and you guys out there...keep your mouth shut about this post...cuz these are things that i've never said :P

heavy on my heart

Everyone's got baggage...and the trick is how you deal with it...yours as well as the people around you...it'd be awesome to check them in a safety deposit box and not have to carry them around...i mean if it's a small one...sure...drag it around...say it's only THAT small...say it won't get in your way...but what happens when things get stuffy and you shove just one more little thing in that suitcase?

well...how about when you've spent your whole life building up a person...or a certain side to that person...and now all you want is to make that go away...be better...different...but still YOU...or at least that part of you you like...

as for me...i''ve been having a hell of a ride these past few days...
catch'ya later...

running up that hill

urasc zilele de marti
urasc serpii
urasc sa mi se termine cafeaua de dimineata
urasc sa ma trezesc mai devreme de 10AM[in caz de nevoie...trebuie sa snooz-ui telefonu cam 2ore inainte]
nu pot sa merg decat cu spatele in tren
nu-mi pun geanta pe jos niciodata
imi las lucrurile imprastiate [dar e un haos atat de controlat :) ]
prefer sa ajung cu 5min mai repede decat mai tarziu la o intalnire
prefer coca cola [pepsi sucks]
imi place sa-mi aprind o tigara la cafeaua de dimineata...
imi place sa-mi astern sufletul in 0 si 1

imi place sa nu dorm singura, sa mi se faca masaj, sa mananc tone de ciocolata si, imediat dupa, ceva sarat
imi place sa ma agat de gatul tau..sa-mi gadili coastele...sa ma tragi de par...

ador aburii de cafea ce-ti invaluie privirea dimineata, si pe tine atat de aproape de mine...

what makes you tick?