easy like sunday morning

for the first time there is no heart ache, there are no worries, no what if's, no twisting and turning in your sleep...

for the very first time sleeping in a tiny bed with another person is easy, calm, restful...

for the first time you open up completely in the face of the unexpected chemistry that seems to have appeared out of no where...

for the first time it's natural...and you cannot fake natural...

faced with the unbelievable, the unthinkable, are you up for an exciting adventure?

you dare to put yourself out there...and just as you heard the "i'm not in a relationship place right now" speech one too many times in a short period of time, you get back to basics and to the things that make you who you are...

it's all or nothing, baby...it's always been all or nothing...there were times when you gave in, accepted bits and pieces, took turns and shared...and look where that got you...

this time you raised your head up high and took a stand...not to impress, but to keep yourself from falling apart once again...you could have a fair amount of awesome moments together...but the uncertainty will for sure break you...

it's all or nothing, because anything in between will kill you...you cannot feel half of what you're feeling, you cannot give half of yourself, not even you can do that back and forth dance all over again...

a lot of things were left unspoken and many questiones remain to be asked, but the warm fuzzy feeling of peace and escape into eachother's arms cannot be altered...it's there...it's easy

as for me...for the first time leaving doesn't make me sad...i have something to come back to...for as long as you'll feel free...

and forget about the world

has it ever been as easy as rolling a dice? although every chance is against you...you might get lucky just this once...

always hoping for a better ending to one's story doesn't mean it'll ever get to change...

it's all about the games you get to play...hide and seek, tag: you're it, or baby baby how i like you...

did you ever experience that type of surreal connection while waiting for the dice to decide what'll happen next? that feeling of complete sharing of thoughts, emotions, train of feeling...

it's been a pretty rough patch lately...but somehow it got sewed back together...

as for me...i'm pretty up in the sky...found a way to stop the world from spinning for a perfect second...and the cold after-rain smell reminds me of the coffee in the background...waiting...always...

mercy

what's the deal with all the expectations we have from every thing and every one around us?

sure, the white picket fence doesn't seem so bad right about now...who wouldn't choose certainty over deliberate and constant doubts? it's like knowing the unexpected and unwanted is right around the corner waiting to catch you off guard and you stroll down that dark alley anyway...

what happened to the simpler things in life? when your biggest problem was whether or not to have that 4th coffee...

as people grow into the lives they made for themselves what defines them as individuals? with a series of unfortunate choices behind you, what makes you break the cycle and carry on differently?

maybe what you took for infatuation were just mind-blowing orgasms...maybe he just isn't that much into you and sex was just something you both had to get out of the way before moving on from the ghost of relationships past...

what about the anticipation? that of the first kiss, first touch, first cute little thing he did for you? would he be a good kisser? is there any chemistry? how will it be once you've slept with him?

as scary as it might seem to open up to a new person it's a leap of faith that either you take or you don't...there is no other way, no different shades of gray...but what happens when it's misinterpreted, mistaken for something else? maybe on both sides...

i'm curious which one of you out there have a clue what you're doing when faced with incredible experiences that cannot be anything more than sweet memories of a thing that once happened...

you might tend to act upon impulse and demand explanations, you might even try to fake an entire story, but you won't be able to fake that intensity of what was actually there...

there will be times when you won't know who you are or where you're going or wondering why you've put yourself through some pretty fucked up situations...and it'll be hard as hell to dig deep down and find your true self again...

but in the end...it comes down to those perfect moments when you wake up to a familiar face and a warm feeling of belonging to that second when nothing is wrong and nobody else exists in the world...

as for me...i'm somewhere in between...looking back to what went down and looking forward to the next picture perfect memory...until then...we'll always have coffee

no white flag

One can heal a broken heart, after all, the damage is inside...in the face of fatality what else is there? a pure soul, a glimpse of goodness... a sparkle of hope that maybe...just maybe...you'll survive for this last time...

Giving in to a higher force...accepting the inevitable...coping with what one dares not even think...those are true challenges...

They say that if you love someone, you'll set them free and if they love you too they'll come back...

So this is to hoping until there is no point of return...to loving like never thought possible...and...to accepting what is yet to come...

There won't be any witnesses to your bravery, there might not even be a reward at the end of all this...but ask yourself this: could you live with yourself without doing something about it?

You stand alone,  trying to figure yourself out, fighting the hardest battle...the one with yourself...make sure to choose what is right, instead of the easy way out...keep it together even in your darkest hour...turn to your God and ask him for peace and your battles will seem less difficult...

Don't be a fool, thinking you'll manage on your own...seek guidance, peace, enlightenment...and even you think all is lost...never lose hope...

As for me...there will be no white flag, i will not surrender and i'll be here waiting till the world stops spinning.

come closer...

you can feel his heart beating on the right side of your back...you can't feel your own, but you feel his as yours...with every diastole you gasp for air cuz you're afraid it's gonna stop, but then...it's there...the bum...the pulse..so close...and so deep inside you...you don't even dare to breathe so you won't miss a beat...it's like the whole excitement in the world resides in this heart...so close...

it's like it's telling a wordless story of how you should tune in for the next beat, and the one after, until the end of time...then...the rhythm changes and it feels like a pat on the back, a constant reminder you're not alone and you don't need labels...the world outside of his arms doesn't exist...and you don't need it to...as long as you have everything that you need trapped in a heartbeat...

as for me...i'm turning soft...so i thought this piece of writing should get you through this rainy day...grab another cup of coffee...oh...and this one...share it with...[fill in the blanks ;)]

why does my heart feel this way?

have you ever felt like there is no feeling in the world to mask the emptiness in your soul? that heart stopping panic that keeps you from breathing...it's like if you move, your whole world'll end...but what do you do with the voice inside your head telling you to take that extra step?

it has always been about doing or not doing something...and you could find hundreds, even thousands of motivational quotes about putting yourself out there...but this is no standard text book approach..what do you do? your life seems a huge chain of irregular events...and no where in the course of history such events were ever described...it's the human infatuation...the egocentric concept that your life is different..that what you're going through is unique and harder than anything anyone has ever had to go through before...

how do you cope with your current state of nowhereness? still...you are somewhere...in an unknown place...dealing with...or at least starting to comprehend...what the fuck is going on in your life...what you once took for love was mere desire, craving, need...and now...now that you have it in front of you...within touching distance...you take baby steps in order not to scare it away...

try to keep a clear, clean, honest heart...and...for just this once...use your instincts for something other than burning down bridges...they might shed a bigger light, but they sure as hell will narrow down the big picture...

now...it's almost a quarter after one and i need you right now

if tomorrow never comes

there comes a moment when everything revolves around the decisions you have to make...whom to date, what to do with your life, how to change what doesn't feel right...

you wonder where to begin, and where to go from here, you tend to postpone making a decision thinking it'll be easier to choose later...

what if later never happens, what if you don't wake up tomorrow and you never get the chance to live how you always imagined yourself living, what if what you took for granted was gone tomorrow and you don't have the chance to properly enjoy it?

you have to stop procrastinating and get down to business...stop wondering and do...change your job, get out of that future-less relationship, start living your dream!

as for me...i'm finally there...so hold on tight boys and girls, cuz i'm going to conquer the world 

should i stay or should i go?

it's surprising how low and down one can feel at times...it's like there's a storm inside but there's no alarm button to press...

it all begins with you twisting and turning inside your head trying to find a cause to your restlesness...the digger you try to dig, the harder the surface you're scratching on...

it's a unique blend of despair, seasoned with a pinch of panic and a touch of excitement...yes...excitement...because you never know what'll come out of this...at first you don't know what to make of it...the whole not-knowing-what-the-fuck's-worng-with-you part turns into a quest of analyzing yourself to the core...breaking your every thought into pieces and then flipping it on every side...

then...after giving up and finally deciding to give it a rest...somehing happens...and, usually, the most unexpected things happen in situations like these...the "i-can't-believe-how-this-turned-out" phase is where the excitement from the prior step finds its ending...then...you tend to repeat the first step...because once again, you don't know what's wrong with you, you don't know what to do with what just happened...you don't dare to open your eyes...

as for me..i'm somewhere in between...

i hope you like dreaming

there comes a moment when you realize there is no happily ever after...no matter how much you dreamed of it and wished for it to exist...there are, though, happily ever after moments...those moments when you feel like anything is possible and you're unbreakable...

but what do you do when that moment fades away into sweet oblivion and the only thing you have to wake up to is the empty reality of tomorrow?

your ideal world, where you'd somehow manage to be happy falls apart in a second...and it wasn't an earthquake that caused it...it was a stupid thing someone said...and your mood changed and your almost perfect day got ruined in an instant...

you start to analyze everything all over again...try to put the pieces back together...they don't fit anymore...maybe you grew out of your dreams or maybe they are just too out of sight...

out of touch, out of reach, facing nothing and the world at the same time...you have so little...and yet the world is yours to take over...

what's keeping you to snap out of it and fight?

as for me...i raise my glass of wine to all of you out there who do something about it...and to those who find a way...

rehab

someone once told me that being addicted to emotion is as simple as being addicted to coffee or cigarettes...come to think about it...it was true...

imagine getting so angry about something...like being angry at yourself for fucking stuff up...once again...and you promised yourself you wouldn't put yourself through that ever again...yet again...you did it anyway...

now...think about it closely...why do you keep on following the same patterns over and over again? can't you tell the difference between good and bad anymore? or was that the part missing from your world to begin with?


or maybe...just maybe...it's all about the chemistry that goes on inside yourself...the reaction to a stimuli...may that be guilt, anger, frustration[ oh yes...there are living, breathing, walking among us examples of those type of addicts], nicotine, caffeine or THC.

be it as it may...you might have to consider getting some help! there are special places with rainbows and unicorns where addicts get the care and attention they need...

so go out there and find a cure for your itch!

if i just lay here...

there's nothing like trying so hard to get something done, trying to make those words just come out of your mouth...or at the tips of your fingers, for that matter...it's like it's there, inside your head, just waiting to come out...but there simply aren't the proper words to  describe it...

it's like trying to describe the taste of coffee in the morning or the smell of summer rain...and it's sooo frustrating...how could you possibly make other people see the world through your eyes? you can make them feel or you could simply tell your version of it...but how can you be sure you got through to them? 

deep breath, light up another cigarette, stop thinking about coffee in the middle of the night and focus! not on what you wan to say bu what made you wanna say it in the first place. take a step back and look outside your circle.

take a break and resume...

the end

it's like everything you ever hoped for was being sucked out of you...every dream, every happy moment, every nice thought...you can feel the warmth of peace drifting further and further away, but you can't even get restless, because, in the end there are no feelings left...

you wake up the next day, hoping it was just a nightmare...but wait! there is no feeling of relief...no sudden joy of coming to terms with reality...just void sucking the air out of the room...as you gasp for air, you try to go to your happy place, but you get nothing...it's blank...no sunshine, no ocean, no mojito, and, the worst of it all, no coffee...you do however have one last cigarette, but you decide to save it for later...maybe you cand still find something, anything to hold on to...

it's late, everyone's tired and you've just reached the end of the rope...

as for me...i'm holding the other end...

scary monsters and fluffy puppies

who doesn't want to wake up to a Prince Charming, a hot cup of coffee and an ocean view?

instead you find yourself sleeping in the dog house again due to your complete lack of coordination...how hard could it have been to get that task ready on time? but no. it's easier to postpone up to the point when not even a time travelling machine could possibly save your sorry ass.

but on the Upper I-don't-Give-A-Fuck Side, fresh coffee is being served every 30minutes, a line of charming princes line up in front of the door, and there is a pony granting wishes to anyone who can feed it rainbows...

then you can  always go to the magical land of Mass Destruction and Denial, where every bad thought is being washed three times with pixie dust, then it's left there squicky clean to dry...after a while you'll become so used to the whole process that blocking everything out will be your second nature.

in the end it's your land of choice...what's it going to be? a fairytale gone bad, or a cold shot of reality with a twist?

as for me, i'm fine up here, inside my head, cup of coffee at hand, wishing you all a very happy daydreaming!

from desireland with love...

as crazy as it might seem, given the circumstances, what most people want is that special someone or something that makes them tick...whether it's about money, jobs or hopes and dreams, anyone can say in an instant what they don't want...ask them what they want and that's when the tricky part kicks in...

we spend our whole life meeting someone's expectations...our parents, our teachers and, when we get to our own, it seems we've suddenly grown outta place and everything turns complicated and, after all, there's always tomorrow to meet your hearts desire...

then tomorrow turns into a month, a month into a year, then years start passing by and you find yourself, on your deathbed, wishing you'd get a do-over...

H. Jackson Brown Jr. once said
"Be bold and courageous. When you look back on your life, you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the ones you did."

so...get out there, and follow your hearts' desire, do whatever makes you happy, do not postpone, cuz you might not get any other chance to do it ever again..take risks...sometimes they pay off beyond your wildest dreams... as Steve Jobs once said "don't live someone else's life"

go get yourself some...[feel free to fill in the blanks with your deepest craving ]

as for me, i've been...[feel free to choose from : better, in and out of love, inside my head, sitting waiting wishing, soul searching, ..., ..., ... ]

and, finally, I wish i'd have a huge cup of coffee to comfort me and keep me warm...

shoes and other issues

it's like you have a pair of shoes..the pretty Louboutin you've dreamed for for ages...all the right things happened, you earned enough money and saved your ass off and finally got them...you gave them their special place in your closet, wear them on every occasion you get and check in on them daily, just to see if they're ok...everything goes great for a while...you might even think that that's the last pair of shoes you've ever bought...then, one day, you start checking out other shoes through the store windows...wondering how it'll be just to try them on...your Loubis will still be there for you when you get home at night, they won't mind, it's not like you're cheating on them or anything..it's just shoes for god's sake...it's not like you were supposed to settle down after the last great pair of shoes you bought...you're young, there plenty of shoes in the sea...what if another pair will fit you better, what if all you want is to be an inch higher on some Manolos??

and then...

you finally did it...someone took you off that shelf and brought you home...and such a pretty home, indeed...you've got your very own shelf now, you don't have to mix and mingle with last years' collection...you are now the only red-soled shoes on the premises...there's no way she'll ever want another pair...not even those extravagant Jimmy Choo's...until one day...she comes home, her feet feel different...they smell like something you've almost forgotten...they smell like...like...NEW SHOES..other shoes...she tried on something else...she's thinking about buying a new pair...or maybe, just maybe, she was just curious how it felt...you see no new bag, no box, no sign of intruders being brought back with her...but the smile on her face and the smell of new shoes linger...

mobile

everything is changing
when i turn around
out of my control
i'm a mobile

how do we manage to find ourselves stuck in even harder situations every time we think this time's gonna be different? take a sip of coffee before you light up that cigarette...take a step back and take a hard look at yourself from the outside...

you've always fought to keep yourself away form any type of pain...even if that turned you into a stone-cold bitch to those who had no idea who you were...but what happens when even you don't know who you are anymore...what if you got sick and tired of the game you always played in front of every one else?

so here you are now...in a place you've never allowed yourself to be in...and you try to find yourself or at least to make someone up...think really hard, little girl, who you wanna be and what it takes to get you there...

at the end of the day, take off your mask and ask yourself if all of this is worth it...

stars in their eyes

you wake up...coffee...and what seemed to fade away whilst sleeping comes back to you...you shake it off and go on with your day...you wish that you could just go to that quiet place where you don't feel despair, sadness and fear...

you see couples walking down the street, kissing, holding hands and you try to remember when it was you that happy...it might sound cliche, but it's so goddamn true: everyone only craves that fuzzy feeling inside that lifts you up where you belong...

so...you can either wait to be swept off your feet or...make it happen :)

as for me, you can buy me with a coffee...you can even buy me with a smile...but i wish you could steal me with a kiss and run away with me to the end of the world...

i got a pocket, got a pocket full of sunshine

ain't it kinda funny how you go through life hoping to be happy...sitting, waiting, wishing...

then the first thing that makes you even the least uncertain of your already figured-out-life makes you second guess every decision you ever took...i think that the second that something new comes and interferes with the orderly chaos we've created for ourselves is close to disaster...i mean...really now...who can honestly say they enjoy waking up in the morning genuinely feeling like that particular day will have a huge enough impact as to change the outcome of their entire life? i dare say every day is monumental to the twists and turns your existence endures.

and what if someone, your parents for example, has your whole life set out for you...it's like they own a part of the forest, they've already taken a part of the inconvenient trees down, built a home and started a crop...then, when you grow up, they expect you to take over what they've started and tame tiny animals, hunt on your own and start a grow house...yes...this is the point where a big "what if" gets in the way...

so...what if...you want to have your own accomplishments?what if you've always dreamed of living by the sea? what if you want to start cutting down some trees on your own and try to see what's outside the forest...what if you want to work hard...maybe harder than your parents ever had to...because you have your own dream, you've got an idea that has grown bigger and bigger into your mind and soul and whose calling you can no longer neglect...what if it's not about having your way instead of theirs? what if you put yourself through all the wilderness so you can better appreciate what they've done for you...it doesn't have to be you walking your separate way for the rest of your life...you get out there, follow your gut instinct and chase your dream...grow into the upstanding person you are and take it from there...and never forget about the spot in the forest...and someday may your path lead you back to it so you can help it thrive under your command.

as for me...i've had life coming and biting me right in the ass...although i can't quite complain...it all turned out for the best: i'm single, in love and awesome...

so everyone, coffee's on me today :)

little boxes on the hill side...

as you wake up to find the snow melted, and that lingering feeling of childhood fading away, you turn on the stove and wait for your hot coffee...

it's one of those mornings when you tend to over-analyze everything but yourself...and you've come to realize you're no better than the rest in terms of labeling people...you put them in boxes, you think you can tell what they're thinking, where they're going through and what they expect from life...the only difference is that you have a crisp view of the picture...it's not like you're just giving out an opinion...no...it's more than thatyou lived it...you are still living it now...so let's call your side of the story an inside one ;) it'll be our secret...promise i won't tell...so...are you ready to pour out your soul?

you tell me that all the men out there are split into two: 99% of them are the blissfully stupid ones that don't cause any drama but get blamed for it, and the other 1% who are smart enough to create drama...let's call them players...

now...it's a known fact women tend to search a hidden message into every single thing they see...being that a plastic bag on the street rolling around counter clockwise (why is it rolling that way? it has to mean something..but what??) so if you apply that to the 99% of blissfully stupid men who don't go around causing drama what do you get? exactly...unsolicited drama and couples who break up for no reason.

and the last topic of this morning are the other 1% who can either play their women into sweet submission...they can play the game of relationships so goddamn well and they twist and turn their sweetheart's mind and they either drive them insane and out of a relationship or they do it so good that they end up with the perfect stay-at-home wife..

it's a pretty flawless logic so far, right? can you find loophole?

i found mine ;)
may your winter be filled with hot flavorful coffee and white fluffy snow!

and remember...there's always a loophole

watch you sleeping...

I wanna join you sleeping peaceful
Feeling the sun in our room
What a plenty of rays and beaming lights
Surely, it does me good

you get everything you own packed in a suitcase, ready to move and leave it all behind...but as you're about to walk out that door you wanna catch a last glimpse of what you had, what you were and what you're walking away from...

same doubts keep you posted, you can't even move or breathe...like just another fairytale which went rotten...but you have one thing figured out...you're gonna run away...to just about any other place that isn't where you are right now...this is what you've been doing for as long as you can remember...and sometimes you got tired of running..laid down to rest and got a chance to start fresh...then it got complicated and you made it easy for everyone involved and got up and took off...sometimes you even came back to the place you ran away from...but you got really bored and turned your back on it again...

if you ever wonder if you'll ever stay..and if so...what'll get you to stay...what makes you give first and ask no questions later...wonder no more..you'll just feel it...

when the time's right, when the place feels like the home you've never had you won't be settling...you'll just settle down and do all the things you never thought you'd be doing...

as for me...i went away to find myself and found my love to grow stronger despite the distance, the fighting and all the mundane things...

no doubts...no worries...no pride...no sorrow...tons of coffee, you smiling in your sleep and me...there...to watch you sleeping...soon and for as long as you'll have me