it's a loving game

what happens when you have the city...the job...the place and the guy tells you you're miserable...

it's like he can see through you...he can see and spot signs you couldn't even see there...

waking up every day saying, wishing for it to be a good one ain't living babe...

sure you can trick all your instincts into believing it's all pretty and sunshine and rainbows...the depression, despair and anxiety seem to have been lost in the world you left behind a couple of months ago...but what does the new one bring you? sure it's all exciting, new and dusty...but you have to wonder...what else is there?

behind all your make-up, behind your smile, behind your mood, behind your dreams and hopes and fears...what else is there??

there lies the miserable girl that one boy could read...there lies a woman at her constant highest and lowest...there lies all the love...

but in the end what else is there but love?

elementary

giving up a bad habit is like being afraid of ripping off a band-aid...like giving up smoking or ...worse...giving up coffee... at first you try to accept the concept of not behaving in that particular matter, then you try to have constant reminders of why doing it is bad in the first place...then you wake up the next morning and you tell yourself you're gonna start next monday, since no person in their right mind would start exercising, dieting or god-knows what else on a different day than monday...

you could try associating another bad habit with the first one so you know you don't do both...like smoking and coffee...you stop doing both altogether...but careful now cuz you know what they say...the sum of your vices is constant...so who knows what you'll end up doing more of...

you might wonder what's the moral in this...it's easy... you only need one person to have fun : yourself!

give us a little love

ever since you could remember all you wished for was a calm, happy, game-free life...

you got to experience drama to last you a lifetime, you got to play, be played, cheat, got cheated on, you've lied and been lied to...despite all that you never ceased to see the good in people, you never stopped putting yourself out there...

looking back it's been a hell of a ride, constantly looking over your shoulder, always paying attention to every single detail, watching your tongue and always on guard...you never knew what'll jump you right around the corner...you never could've imagined the stories you'll be able to tell about love, and treachery, trust, deceit, deception and euphoria...

at the end of the day consider yourself lucky if you fall asleep next to the one person you feel you can let your guard down...for relationships may be tricky, but in the end, whom you trust can be fatal...  

the quest

do you know that feeling of complete satisfaction at the end of the day when you've got all the shit you were supposed to do done? well...you're lucky...today I just found out how that feels...

facing a window, with a clean desk around you, all the tasks are done for the day...what's left is to sit back and feel proud of yourself...proud on how you handled things these past few months, proud of the person you've grown into...it's not like you've ever imagined you'd grow a conscience...never in your wildest dreams did you picture yourself as a stand-up person, who, not even after all the drama, lies, cheating, speaks her mind...stands up for what she believes in...came around to telling nothing but the truth...and finally someone who doesn't take bullshit from anyone!

what tops this continuous feeling of pride and exhilaration? that warm feeling you're home, not in a place, but in someone's tight arms around you...

it happens when you least expect it...you do your job, you finish that book, you catch up with old friends, and you fall in love again...

as for me...i'm in the mood for some late night Louboutins...